


Circuits In Lifetimes

by barbex



Series: A Love for the Ages [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cyberpunk, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23664802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbex/pseuds/barbex
Summary: The man comes in, wearing a white doctor's coat. "That is quite normal, Ser Cullen." He looks on his cyber tool. The overhead light shines on him and for a moment his coat glimmers like gold.He smiles at Cullen and a familiar warmth spreads in his chest. Some part of him has seen this smile before. Loved this smile before.Cullen forgets to breathe. "Do I know you?"
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Sebastian Vael
Series: A Love for the Ages [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703947
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Circuits In Lifetimes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cullenlovesmen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cullenlovesmen/gifts).



> *throws T a kiss*

A bolt of pain shoots through his skin and Cullen clenches his teeth and stumbles against the wall. The circuits on his arms flash brightly each time a pulse of pain pushes through his head. His eyepiece-display flashes a warning about stress of his cardiovascular system.

"Yeah, no kidding," he mumbles to himself. The pain, the warnings, the waking up at night because his heart stutters, all of that is why he decided to finally take his ass to the clinic. He has to get rid of the circuits before they can kill him.

A mobile platform, a street cleaning and monitoring model, hums a friendly tune at him. "Citizen. Do you require assistance?" 

Cullen looks down to the knee-high robot that tilts its display up to him. It shows a cute pink smiley face at him with a blinking question mark. He fights the urge to kick the thing into the void with its cutesy display but he pulls his rage back in. It's just the pain driving him to madness, he's usually not an angry person. 

"I'm on my way to the clinic. Could you inform the system that I need transportation to get there?"

"Certainly, Citizen. A clinic unit will be with you shortly." 

The little robot rolls away, cleaning the sidewalk. Hardly anybody walks here, the sidewalk looks as clean as an office floor. The airspace is filled with cars, following some invisible grid and few pedestrians stand on the magic walkways in glass tubes, that transport them to their destinations while they watch their arm displays.

Cullen leans against the wall, waiting for his knees to stop shaking and the nausea to pass. One woman looks over to him as she glides along in the tube and her fingers tap on her arm-pad, possibly calling an ambulance for him. Cullen notices with a bitter smile how they all wear external cybertools now, after it became publicly known how toxic the templar circuits are. 

The circuits flash and the headache burns again. He wants to scream as sweat breaks out on his back but he grits his teeth and waits for the wave of pain to pass. It takes longer now and the nausea is getting worse.

"Citizen." A transporter with comfortable seating has stopped in front of him. "I will transport you to Clinic CPT458 if you wish to go there. Please wave your ident chip over the reader to agree."

Cullen lifts his arm and lets the unit scan the implant at his wrist. The robot thanks him and holds out a mechanical arm to help him into the seat. The unit hovers over the ground and speeds up as soon as the security belts have fastened him in. Before the next wave of nausea has passed, he's already in the clinic and the welcoming android asks for his ident credentials to input him into the clinic's system. 

"A nursebot will be with you shortly," the welcome droid says. She's one of the older models who looks like a mechanical doll. Cullen prefers these models to the newer ones. The new models look like real people with too wide smiles and too large eyes. 

"Ser Cullen," a gentle voice says. Friendly but emotionless. The nursebot looks like a person on the upper half but the lower half is a rolling chest of supplies and monitoring systems. Her smile looks almost real and at least they didn't make her eyes overly large but it's still kind of strange to have her bulky system rolling next to his transport chair. 

"Ser Cullen," she repeats, waiting for him to acknowledge her. 

"Yes, that's me, you should know," he snaps and waves his chipped arm at her.

"Yes, I do," the nursebot says with unchanged friendliness. "My name is Adriana and I apologize if my questions add to your discomfort but I have to determine your mental state that way."

"Sorry. I understand." He knows he doesn't need to apologize to the nursebot but it feels better. 

"My preliminary scans show that the toxicity levels from your templar circuits have reached dangerous levels and are with a probability of 95% the cause for your current illness." 

A memory comes to him. How proud he was when he received the first nano-implementation, when he watched the angular lines of lyrium grow on his arms. How the pattern became denser as he became older and more capable. All his life he had wanted to be a templar, to use the powers that came with the circuits to help others. But in the end, the cause he believed in fell apart and the circuits are slowly killing him. It is time to drop the dream of that young boy. "I would like to have them removed."

"We're glad to hear that," Adriana says. "We will begin preparation immediately and have you in surgery as quickly as possible." The transportation chair moves into a small white room and adjusts him to a horizontal position. Adriana's mechanical arms quickly scan, undress and clean him. "Are you comfortable, Ser Cullen?"

"Yes, just..." he takes a slow breath. "Just a bit nervous."

"There is no need to worry," Adriana says, her mechanical smile friendly and almost real. "The procedure is routine by now and we're not expecting any critical incidents." 

Cullen stares at the white ceiling. He knows that the nurses and surgeons are some of the best androids the world knows and thanks to the Inquisition, their services are available for every citizen now. But rationality doesn't help when you stare at white walls, replaying all your fears.

"There is no need to worry." The nursebot says the words with the exact same intonation again, as her many arms work independently. It does nothing to calm Cullen down.

"I see you have been well taken care of." A deep, soft voice with an accent he can't quite place comes from the door.

"Nurse Sebastian," Adriana says. "All procedures are on schedule, the operating room is getting prepared." She swivels her head part to Cullen. "Ser Cullen shows signs of stress."

The man comes in, wearing a white doctor's coat. "That is quite normal, Ser Cullen." He looks on his cyber tool. The overhead light shines on him and for a moment his coat glimmers like gold. His skin is dark in contrast to all the white and his eyes shine of the deepest blue.

The archer. He doesn't wear a bow now and he doesn't wear armor either but Cullen know the he's an archer. It's almost there, the shape of a large bow, stretching over his back, the shine of white and gold armor. He can almost see it.

The man smiles at Cullen and a familiar warmth spreads in his chest. Some part of him has seen this smile before. Loved this smile before.

Cullen forgets to breathe. "Do I know you?"

Nurse Sebastian lays his head to the side. "I don't think so..." He puts a hand on his own neck as he studies him, a movement that looks utterly familiar to Cullen. He slightly shakes his head and smiles again. "I'm nurse Sebastian, I'm just gonna check over Adriana's preparations." He guides a scanner over Cullen's torso and looks at the readout on his cybertool.

A whiff of his scent hits Cullen, something that smells of coffee and gold. A familiar scent that has him breathe in again. "I'm glad to see you. I mean, I have no complaints about the nursebot but — "

"I know what you mean," Sebastian says with a smile. "Nurse Adriana will not be offended that you prefer a bit of human interaction. The androids provide the best possible care with absolute precision but we found that patients benefit from human contact in times of stress."

"How long will you stay?" Cullen asks and he's already dreading that the nurse with the soft eyes will leave him soon again.

"I'll stay as long as it takes to calm you down."

"I... I'm nervous." 

"About the operation?"

"Not just that." Cullen rolls up the sleeve on his arm. The templar symbol, embossed with lyrium, shines on his arm among the circuitry. "This is who I have been for most of my life. Without the order, without the power from the circuits, what am I?"

"One of the last templars..." Sebastian looks at him as if he studies him. "I've no doubt that even without the circuits, you'll still be a strong man, someone people can trust."

Cullen lets out a bitter laugh. "You don't know me, you don't know what I have done, how many people hate me and rightly so."

Sebastian leans closer, looking into his eyes. Cullen's heart speeds up as he catches a whiff of the man's aftershave. Sebastian lays his head to the side, the light from the window illuminating him. "Maybe I don't know you but I recognize a good man." He trails a fingertip down the circuit lines on Cullen's wrist, looking at the angular lines as if he's entranced. 

Cullen sucks in a breath and Sebastian snaps his hand back.

"I'm sorry, they must be painful, I dinna — "

Cullen just stares. The circuits don't hurt, at least not more than usual. But the soft brush of Sebastian's fingertip has set his whole body on fire and a longing has spread in his chest that he can't recall to have ever felt before.

Or has he?

Cullen takes Sebastian's hand in his and looks up into Sebastian's impossibly blue yes. "Sebastian." As he says the name, a wave of familiarity comes with it, as if he used to say the name quite often, once upon a time.

Sebastian gently strokes over the thin skin between Cullen's thump and fingers. "Is this all right?"

Cullen's heart beats faster. "Yes. I..." 

The nursebot turns with the suddenness of a new subroutine starting and places an injector on Cullen's neck. A hiss indicates the release of the medication. "I have administered a mild sedative, to calm Ser Cullen down and prepare him for the anaesthetic. He will soon fall asleep."

"Thank you, Adriana. I'll watch over the patient." Sebastian picks up a chair from the side of the room and sits down next to Cullen's bed. He glances over to the monitor. "I'm sorry that I aggravated you."

Cullen feels the sedative wrapping his mind in soft cushions and it's getting difficult to keep his eyes open. "Sebastian."

"Yes?"

"Hold..." the words begin to melt in his mind. "... my hand again."

Sebastian's blue eyes fly open. He takes Cullen's hand in his and places the other on top of it. "Cullen," he whispers. A familiar warmth spreads in Cullen's chest. 

Cullen's eyes fall closed but he squeezes Sebastian's hand as long as he can. "I know you, Sebastian." With closed eyes he sees Sebastian, white armor with golden applications, strong arms pulling his bow, an arrow flying past Cullen's head. "Do you... you... know me?" he asks, willing his tongue to form words.

He drifts off, sleep drawing him under but somewhere in the darkness, someone whispers, "Yes. Yes I do."

* * *

Awareness comes back to him in a rush. Light tints his eyelids red and little aches make themselves known all over his skin. He opens one eye, squinting against the light. The room is white and a window lets in the sun. The silhouette of a man stands out against the light, tall, athletic. 

The archer. It's the archer in his white and gold armor, the bow slung over his back. He stands tall and proud, his noble upbringing ingrained in his poise. He is strong and beautiful, always.

"Sebastian," he croaks out. 

The archer turns. But he is no archer now, he wears the humble cloth of an ordained priest. His hands are clasped in prayer and the wooden pearls of a rosary click softly against each other. Cullen can almost hear it. But Sebastian's eyes are not those of a brother content in his faith, they burn blue and bright with more love than a person of the cloth is allowed to feel. 

Sebastian steps away from the window, his hands playing with the frilly sleeves of an immaculate shirt, drawn tight by a beautiful, silken waistcoat. A decorated dagger at his hips glints in the sun light.

Silk turns to red and grey cloth, a robe with a star bursting on his chest. It covers him all the way to his feet but still his strong, slim figure can not be ignored. His hands are raised in prayer, up to a statue he can't see.

And then he is at Cullen's side, wearing a white doctor's coat. There is no dagger, no rosary, no bursting star, and there's no bow slung across his back but Cullen still sees it there, like an afterimage. He leans down to Cullen and takes his hand, blue eyes wide in relief.

"Cullen, you're awake. I was worried."

His touch feels so familiar and warms his whole body. Cullen clears his throat as he feels a blush crawl up his neck. "It was just a routine surgery."

"Not quite," Sebastian says. "The circuits had fused extensively and your toxicity levels were getting dangerous. It was definitely not routine. You were unconscious for three days." He pulls Cullen's hands up to his lips. But he hesitates before his lips meet his skin. "I shouldn't, this is weird. I feel like I know you so well, like I have met you a long time ago."

"Yes," Cullen strokes the skin between Sebastian's finger and thumb. "Yes, I know what you mean." He looks up into those startling blue eyes. Eyes that he remembers, remembers looking into them, trees and a cloudy sky reflecting in them. His eyes travel down to Sebastian's lips. Lush, soft lips. Has he kissed them before? In this life or another? 

"I _know_ you." Cullen struggles to sit up until he orders the bed to lift up the head section. Finally he is at the same height as Sebastian, his lips right there, like ripe fruits for him to pick. "I know you," he whispers and leans forward, his lips brushing over Sebastian's lips.

An offer, a question.

"Yes," Sebastian breathes and presses his lips against Cullen's.

They kiss, softly at first and then turning urgent, a wet, biting mess that has Cullen's heart sing in joy. Something opens in him, a locked chest where he has hidden his emotions for years and years and now they surge forward, finally free. He can breathe again.

And breathing in he does, taking in the soft scents of the man he now pulls into his arms, seeking contact, tasting him, smelling him, devouring him. His hands find their way under his white lab coat, under his shirt and her feels for muscles and scars that he knows, he knows! He has felt them before, smelled him before.

"Touch me," Cullen whispers against Sebastian's mouth. 

"Are you sure?" Sebastian pulls back, staring at him with wide eyes. 

Disappointment wants to settle like acid in his stomach. "Do you not feel it?"

Sebastian leans forward, his hands at Cullen's neck, pressing his forehead against his. "I feel so much, I don't even know myself. Cullen." He kisses his forehead and leans back to look into his eyes. "Cullen. You're so familiar."

"Yes."

"How can I know you like that?"

Cullen turns his head to lean against the underside of Sebastian's arm. "I don't know. But I'm certain. I know, I _know_ we've kissed before." He moves his hands under Sebastian's shirt to the front, stroking the back of his hand over his chest and down his stomach. "I know all this, like a landscape I have travelled often." 

Sebastian sucks in a breath as Cullen's hand travels lower. "That's impossible." He throws his head back as Cullen slips under his waistband. "Maker!" 

The red marks on Cullen's arms burn and he leans back with a sigh. "I wish I could... I want..."

"I know." Sebastian leans forward again, sliding his hand under the thin hospital gown that barely covers Cullen's body. "You need to rest. I can wait."

Cullen breathes against the pins and needles feeling on his skin. "I feel like a waited several lifetimes already."

Sebastian smiles softly. "You're right, we've been here before. I don't know how it's possible but this..." His finger glides through the hair on Cullen's chest. "This I know. I know it with all my heart."

He looks up and leans over, his lips hovering over Cullen's. "And this I know too, I know your taste, I know the softness of your lips, how hungry you bite me."

He kisses Cullen again and images rush into Cullen's mind. A kiss and the forest sing around them, a kiss and dancers twirl around them in a ballroom, a kiss and an explosion shakes them, another kiss and it's a church, candle light turning Sebastian's skin to gold.

Sebastian pulls away and lowers the bed again. "Rest, Cullen. I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

Sebastian opens the door and ushers Cullen in with a sweep of his hand. "Welcome to Casa Vael."

Cullen steps through the door and is struck by the size of Sebastian's apartment. It is in fact a loft, an open floor stretching out for what looks like twenty metres. One whole side is made of glass windows, going from floor to the ceiling, the lower part covered with colorful fabrics, images of starbursts and suns lit up by the outside light. It's one of the few colorful things in the loft. The floor is covered with blond wood, a table and chairs made of dark wood stand near the windows, further back is a black lacquered desk and the couch at the far wall is grey and white. 

Everything looks tasteful, obviously expensive without being tacky. "This is nice," Cullen says. "Very nice."

"My family..." Sebastian sighs. "My family has always been rich and influential. I haven't spoken to them in years, not that we were ever on good terms. I know what this place looks like but it's not quite what it seems."

Now that Cullen walks further in, Sebastian taking his coat from him to hang over an old streetsign on the wall, he can see that the table has scratched up legs, just as the chairs, from heavy use. The colorful fabrics are pinned to the window frames with tacks, the floor shows trailmark scratches and the fabric on the couch has several spots where someone seems to have spilled coffee or tea.

Sebastian leads Cullen over to the couch and indicates for him to sit down. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, please." Cullen sits down carefully and avoids leaning back. Even after three days rest in the hospital, the skin on his arms and back still itches and burns from the traces of lyrium that the surgery couldn't remove. He has to wait for his body to resorb and discard it naturally.

Sebastian prepares coffee in an open kitchen area at the side, bringing water to a boil in a kettle. "My rebellion against my family consisted of me living life in the wildest and worst possible way. By some miracle, I didn't catch any permanent STD and didn't die. One day, waking in the hospital with burns on my arms that I couldn't explain and a drug induced headache, I decided to turn my life around. I became an apprentice nurse, my parents heard of it somehow and gifted me this place." 

He pours hot water over the coffee grounds, slowly circling the kettle over the coffee filter. "I know this loft is way too large and looks like a spoiled bachelor's pad but I don't have to pay rent here. I'd be stupid not to use it."

"I understand and I wouldn't complain anyway," Cullen says. "When you offered me a place to stay, I expected to sleep on the floor in a one room apartment." 

Sebastian smiles softly. "That won't be necessary." He settles on the couch and hands Cullen a cup of coffee. "I'm out of milk, unfortunately." 

"That's quite all right." Cullen holds his nose over the rim of the cup, smelling the coffee. He loves the smell of fresh coffee and breathes in deep. With closed eyes, he takes the first sip. It has just the right temperature and tastes wonderful.

When he opens his eyes again, he catches Sebastian staring at him. Sebastian swallows and puts his cup on the coffee table. "You look like you just had a religious experience."

"After that hospital coffee — " Cullen begins to say but he can't finish his sentence. 

Sebastian's lips are suddenly on his, soft but unyielding, demanding as much as he's giving. Cullen hurries to put his cup on the table so that his arms are free to wrap around Sebastian. He pulls him closer, mapping the familiar plains of his back through the fabric of his shirt. Sebastian climbs over him and straddles his legs, his lips never leaving Cullen's.

"Cullen, Cullen," Sebastian mumbles against his mouth. "Cullen." He leans back, his lips puffy and red. "I don't know how many lifetimes the Maker has given us but I know I've missed you in all of them."

Cullen has to take a harsh breath. "Maker, Sebastian."

"Don't you feel it too?"

"Like a memory, yes."

They stare at each other, breathing hard.

Sebastian trails his hand gently over Cullen's chest but stops when he sees him wince. "It still hurts?"

"Believe me, I wish it didn't." Cullen reaches up to Sebastian, drawing his thumb along his jawline. 

Sebastian sighs but then a mischievous grin spreads on his face. "The cotton must be terrible for your skin." He begins to undo the buttons on Cullen's shirt.

"Admit it, you only want to get me naked."

"Well," Sebastian opens the last button and brushes the shirt to the side. "I cannot deny that. But cotton is indeed not good for your skin."

"An easy excuse."

Sebastian grins even wider. "I have satin bedsheets."

Cullen laughs out. "Now that sounds very much like something someone with a spoiled bachelor pad would have." 

Sebastian takes his hand in his and gently strokes over the thin skin between Cullen's thump and fingers. "I have soothing lotion. Let me take care of you."

Cullen smiles up to Sebastian. "You're too tempting."

Soon he is naked on Sebastian's bed and the satin feels wonderfully cool against his skin. Lying on his back, he stretches his arms up and closes his eyes. He hisses when something cool touches his chest.

"Is this all right?" Sebastian asks, his voice a deep growl, as he spreads lotion over Cullen's chest.

"Maker, yes."

Sebastian spreads the lotion over his chest, his shoulders, his arms. When every inch of his skin feels slippery and cool, Sebastian tells him to turn around and applies the lotion to his back.

"How do you feel?" Sebastian asks. 

Cullen wants to purr like a cat. "Better."

"Turn back around," Sebastian says and the hint of an order in his voice sends a chill down Cullen's spine.

Cullen turns on his back and looks at Sebastian. The man crawls up to lean over him, holding his weight on his arms, careful not to touch his sensitive skin. He licks his lips. "If ye tell me to stop, I will stop."

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing you don't want," Sebastian whispers and bends his head down to kiss a trail down Cullen's chest, carefully avoiding the red lines where the circuits used to be. He circles each nipple a few times with his tongue but then moves lower, raining kisses on Cullen's stomach until his lips meet his erection. 

"Oh Maker," Cullen's hands fly to Sebastian's head, seeking contact.

"No dear, put yer hands up, hold onto the head board."

"But I — "

"Let me take care of you." Sebastian's blue eyes pierce him like daggers. "Let me do this for you."

"But you..." Cullen weakly protests.

"Shhh, don't worry about me." His thumb strokes over Cullen's lip. "I'm getting everything I want."

Cullen opens his mouth, letting Sebastian glide along the inside of his lip. 

Sebastian's pupils turn dark. "Suck."

Cullen does as he's told, his lips closing around Sebastian's thumb. His tongue dips against it and he sucks, watching Sebastian's eyes narrow.

"Good, very good," Sebastian says, his voice a whole octave deeper than before. "Now stop and lie back. Keep yer hands up."

Cullen lies back, his hands finding purchase on the headboard. He strains to watch what Sebastian is doing as the man sits back. 

"Close your eyes."

"But I want to see you."

Sebastian fixes him with an intense stare, desire and control burning into Cullen's soul. "You can see me later. Close your eyes, let go."

Cullen closes his eyes. It's the most natural thing, an order he can't deny from that look, that voice. He feels Sebastian's warm breath on his body, moving down his stomach, not touching him. His hands tighten around the headboard, his hips straining towards Sebastian's breath.

"Stay still. Let go."

"I can't." Cullen almost screams when Sebastian's lips brush over his stomach, the barest touch burning him up.

"I know you can." Sebastian's voice is a beacon in the darkness behind Cullen's eyelids. "Stay still for me. I'll take care of you."

Cullen opens his mouth to dissent and then — a breath leaves him like a cry, raw and grating against his throat — he lets go. He sinks into the hold of Sebastian's presence, of his breath on his skin, his voice soothing him with words he doesn't understand anymore, a touch as fleeting as prayer, a kiss as soft as silk, a hold on his hips that is more surprising than the feel of Sebastian's mouth on his cock.

He hears his own voice, whimpering, crying, laughing, coming from somewhere beside himself. Sebastian's touches move, a kiss here, a strong grip there, an anchor on his hips, the heat of his mouth around his cock, minutes, hours, years, and he tumbles more than rises as he comes and he cries and he laughs and his body sighs in relief.

Sebastian pries Cullen's hands off the headboard and wraps himself around him, cradling him, holding his hands in his. His thumb rubs circles between his knuckles and what ever tension is left in Cullen, flows out of him in Sebastian's embrace.

Sebastian's speaks to him, like a chant right next to his ear. "You wonderful, wonderful man. My heart, my soul. I've waited for you so long." 

Cullen returns to his body in fragments, fitting himself back together over the sooting guidance of Sebastian's voice. The man holding his pieces in the most literal sense. He could fall asleep like this, easily, but Sebastian's erection pressing against his back pulls him back into reality and he wiggles his ass against it.

Sebastian chuckles. "Back with me?"

"Yes." He turns to look at Sebastian. He has to take a breath, those blue eyes looking at him with such intensity, still startle him. He sneaks a hand down his body, wrapping his fingers around the head of Sebastian's rock hard erection. 

Sebastian presses a kiss on his neck and he can feel him smile. "Aren't you tired?"

"Yes, but it hardly seems fair to leave you like this?"

Sebastian laughs and moves back, crawling over Cullen to straddle his hips. Cullen strains to get up, to get closer but Sebastian shakes his head. "Lie down, let me see you."

"But I — "

"Shh, just let me see you," Sebastian says and he takes himself in his hand. He rubs down fast and back up slowly, his eyes never leaving Cullen's as he speaks. "Your face when you came, the sounds you made, I wish I could pray to you like this every day. I want to touch you, I want to see you come undone by my hands, I want to see your face in the moment you let go, the moment you trust me to fall."

"I trust you. I trust you forever," Cullen whispers hoarsely.

"You are amazing, Cullen." He throws his head back, groaning deep from his chest. "Oh fuck, fuck." He moves forward, his ass pressing against Cullen's newly hardened erection, his fist moving faster on his cock. "Can I come on you?" 

Cullen almost whimpers. "On my face."

"Maker's breath," Sebastian presses out between clenched teeth and he comes, long spurts hitting Cullen's open mouth and a shudder goes through Cullen's body that feels like another orgasm without the physical reaction.

Sebastian collapses at his side, careful not to press against the burning lines from the circuits. "Oh Cullen." He kisses his face, kissing and licking him clean. "M'dear Cullen, where've ye been all my life?"

"Here, Sebastian," Cullen says, taking Sebastian's face in his hands. "I've always been here."


End file.
